From February, 2013

grey days

grey days settle like dust outline my body feels like death watch the clock hour by hour until grey nights begin their shift.eyes open, incessant images loop. las manos de mi abuela patting dough coated with flour into tortillas las manos patting. dough folded into tortillas. flour dust settling. las manos de mi abuela. I haven’t moved in 6 hours, feels like 1, feels like 12. she died when I was 14.my bed comforts me as much as it reminds me I am ungrateful wasting time wasting away what a waste my friend with MS my cousin with cancer my…

Night Walk

The light dims in the sky as my endless calls are met with no answer. After calling everyone possible, I realize the best idea is to start my long walk. Seven miles from a location I am unfamiliar with isn’t settling well in my stomach. Before I leave, I notice a rideless friend and ask her if she wants to join me. She agrees and we nervously start our voyage down the path of dark corners, empty streets, abandoned sidewalks and the hungry animals of the night. Darkness falls as we walk; everything becomes unfamiliar and the shadows transform our…

Grandfather

To My Dead Grandfather,   I used to wish I could have met you Dreamed of you reading me bedtime stories and of my potential love for you After I found out the truth all I have dreamed about is my regret your Death wasn’t torturous enough to suit your crimes Physical damage will not satisfy my need  Piss on your soul; mutilate the fibers of the cross-stitch that Holds your two-face together   I dreamed I could have been there and watched you Die. And I wanted to be the one to do it. To have killed you. Slowly, carefully, methodically with a distinct…

Le Leyanda Mestiza

Dreams of Anzaldua staring at me, Channeling my destruction, de que? The interrogation of assumption Validating a world for most complacent The realities are tangible and often serene Mis suenos Mi cuerpo A justification that is omniscient inevitable morena Anzaldua You, I, reach an utopia an epitome for gender deconstruction A mestiza anatomy esto es todo lo quiero suenos dream and I dream an insurgence to intersections I will venture but never leave los mayas los aztecas y los mexica todos los grita “Fuck you i won’t do what u tell me” por que? ya basta ya tu sabes el…

Take It All Back

Women with the courage to fight taught me how to take it all back Your rape cannot take my pleasure Your hate cannot take my love You war cannot take my peace Your ignorance can not dull my light My voice calls out and is echoed We come together bound in women-centered community We are safe because we promote women as leaders in all sectors and live as leaders Leaders who know their strengths Leaders who turn to community for support when we are weak We stand together and up in all our actions Our lives lived and daily choices…

To My Daughter

Mijita,   we are the in between neither black nor white   we are the mud the mix between the menstrual flow of the planet and the machismo ground beneath our feet   we are the brown the piece of construction paper that is thrown away the ugly created when mixing too many colors the only crayon chosen when coloring Martin Luther King or dirt   we are the cockroaches despised and disgusted but even with the bam of a stomping manly foot we refuse to die   we are the voice of the wind loud and undesirable yet never…

A Note to My Boyfriend, My Compadre: I Am Beautiful.

Dear X, I’m sad in our relationship right now. I’m sad you don’t like my body. I’m still learning to like my body after years of hating it. Loathing it. Wanting to mutilate it. Agonizing over it. And I’m not sure we’re in a healthy space because of your disinterest or desire for my body to look like something other than what it is. This scares me and scars me. What might be worse is that your interest in me sexually had declined. I cannot look like those girls who you watch get fucked day after day. I will not…