From Her stories

La Mil Amores

El Rokero Quita V-cards: Very loud, very fast and left me very sore. It was like having sex with a rabbit in heat. My lonjas bounced all over, I could barely hold my shirt down and this fool couldn’t care less as long as his dick was somewhere in between my legs. I swear he popped out twice and was thrusting in between my left thigh and pussy lip. He made a weird O-face and his sweat kept dripping on me. I wanted him out of my room so I pretended my mom was coming home and he needed to…

I Swore My Heart Away When I Was 14

I Swore My Heart Away When I Was 14. I remember lying in bed rogandole a la virgencita to please keep my dad safe from harm hoping for a call I knew I wasn’t gonna get. Praying I wouldn’t get a phone call that he’s been found dead by some dumpster. I remember a night in particular when I got tired of praying for him So I prayed for me. Le pedi que me isiera no quererlo mas Que lo sacara de mi corazon I cried big heavy tears that soaked my pillow and mixed with bugers and saliva. I…

les escribí una carta a mis padres…

Queridos Padres, Les escribo con amor y honestidad y siento que esto es la manera mas segura y correcta. Quiero empezar con decirles que los aprecio y los respeto como padres nunca me han dado para abajo y siempre quieren lo mejor para mi. También se que me dieron amor y un techo por muchos anos y eso nunca se me olvidara. Me ensenaron los buenos modales de trabajar duro ser valiente y honesta y humilde con todo ser humano y esos valores nunca se me olvidaran. Eh estado pasando por un camino de confusión y reflexión en este proceso…

Leave Love Left Where Love Died

Because I thought I could change you with ‘the right kind of love’, I took whatever you gave me. Because drunk meetings in dark closets and rooms were romantic enough to let you take off all my clothes. Because I thought that you holding my hair back while I gave you head meant you cared. Because after spending an entire day right beside you, secret eye signals kept me content. Because I thought that when you told me stories about your mom and dad, you gave me keys. Because when you really did give me keys to parts of you,…

Keep Ya Head Up

When the fears start to reveal themselves, but your no longer afraid you’re just so sad it took you this long to understand. Then the tears run down your face because of all the pain you put yourself through, and you wonder how you managed to pretend you were so strong when clearly you were wrong. It’s like a self-inflicted wound that gives you ecstasy, but drains and brings along so much pain after the fact. But no one is there to kiss your scars, and until you find a way to love yourself in the aftermath of this craziness…

baby daddy blues

woke up this morning finally heard the anthem to my blues baby daddy blues   baby daddy didn’t have a father folks split up when he was young papa said he had a new family that relationship was worth his time mama probably had the blues herself left mexico behind and found a new man the womyn/child beater kind   woke up this morning finally heard the anthem to my blues baby daddy blues   baby daddy hated school hated men that didn’t care for baby mama’s used his rage and trained EZLN/AIM militant security talkin’ bout taking back our…

Quiet All Summer

This is what it’s like to be lost in between. To feel the words of the songs you heard in your childhood resonate inside your heart. To feel the lyrics rise up, and yet not have the words to let them out. To keep Borderlands/La Frontera on the bookshelf of your mind for two years, only to find out that Gloria Anzaldúa is dead. To mourn her passing, so deeply, so late, anyway. To not be able to participate in the conversation between your elders, and yet rest your head and soak it in, enjoying it, anyway. It’s the silence…

Damned Ignorance

They peddle the documentary DVDs like political leaflets, presenting them proudly as they solicit support and monetary contributions for the cause. They are vending a symbol of gender subjugation; a film that is stained with allegations of sexual assault; assertions that were muffled; claims that were minimized; and cries that were choked in the name of the cause. They have contaminated the cause and have even attempted to hijack it. Damned Ignorance! Does the end justify the means? No, not here! The cause. We were all clear about our cause. It was wrapped around keeping our precious Mexican American Studies…

I’m sorry, I did not mean to offend you…

I’m sorry, I did not mean to offend you. Only trying to help you. Don’t you see who you went to? This person who has no more fate that to save you Always. That’s how it’s been I will save you, him, them I figure I can change you. I just wanna save you. And though I’ve told myself countless times that that is not my job That I can’t be your mother and You my child who I nurture away all the wounds from, Who I defend from the unfairness of the world. That is not my job. It…

“Why are you so angry?”

How about — why do you try to hold my anger above me, as if it strips me of any credibility? why do you have to dangle my unhappiness in front of me? I’ve become the most ultimately unamerican I can be — I’m an unhappy brown girl caught in a white man’s world. I’m pretty sure if you grew up being stared at or called a sandn***er you wouldn’t be too thrilled either. If you had to wonder whether or not your masjid was going to be shot up or if your mother was going to get cussed out at…