Xicana voice — on honoring mujeres

I have played a spectator role with the Tucson machismo circus that has taken place for a series of months. I have watched this so-called “beef” created by men stating that man-haters are after them, and care more about taking an online blogger down rather than focusing on reviving Ethnic Studies. Let me break down some consciousness for you, DA, the fight to bring back Ethnic Studies begins with you. The problem here is patriarchy, and your failure to recognize your volatile actions within your “community.” As a self-ascribed journalist, you praise men like Sean Arce and place them on a pedestal for being the “face” of a movement. You ignore writing about any women, unless it is for your convenience. As a blogger, you pick and chose what topics you wish to write about and cover up realities such as domestic violence cases committed by these Chicano “idols.” Why are you so pissed off that a group of women have gathered together and created their own blog that calls out your bullshit? Are you afraid because their words are true? Or is it because the narratives that these womyn tell discredit your news articles? I can see it from New York: you’re scared. You are doing the same thing that the state is doing, you’re censoring true histories. As a self-ascribed journalist you are expected to write the “real” stories and narratives according in our communities, right? Then why do you fail to include the whole truth, and constantly use your media platform to bash empowered women who threaten your narrative? Censorship, false histories, and distorted realities are exactly the same bullshit we see in the history books, and the reason the Arizona State Legislature banned Ethnic Studies. They, like you, fear the truth. They fear the real histories and personal narratives of people of color because it threatens white supremacy and it threatens the patriarchal system which you all fight to keep intact. You may not be white by DNA, but your actions and behavior sure the fuck are. You threaten women, censor women, and wish to continue to dominate the struggle with your macho bullshit. Tell me, DA, how are your actions different from those who hold patriarchal powers like your nemesis (I should say your equal) Huppenthal? You both have attacked a minority community because you fear them taking power. Any power that a womyn of color possesses through her words are a threat to your masculinity.

This morning I looked at my news feed and saw your post, “In Celebration of May, Moon, Mothers, and Womyn.” I thought that you finally got it, I believed you had turned over a new leaf—I was wrong. Your post made me angry at your underlying attacks on women through this contradictory essay that is ostensibly geared at honoring women, the life givers. Not only do you continue to use your hetero-nornative approach within your blog, your bullshit machismo rants overpower the original reason you supposedly wrote this post— to honor the mujer. You are so scared, extremely scared, of Malinztine. You are scared of them because they are pointing that smoking mirror right back at you and showing you the real perception of who you are: a sad, pathetic man who only has machismo and a blog to hold on to.

Within your blog you mention that your partner is Chicana, bilingual, has family on both side of the border, and is, or was, poor. Sorry to burst your bubble, DA, but I am also a Xicana, poor, bilingual, with family on both sides of the border—as are many other Chicanas. You celebrate your partner’s struggles and fail to recognize the struggles of her peers, the women of Malinztine. Just a couple of months ago I remember you posting a status that attacked a single mother, who is Chicana, and is in poverty. Why did you choose to attack this woman and choose to honor another when both have the same histories and struggles? Oh, I get it: you got to penetrate one of them; therefore it is ok to show love for that woman while disrespecting the rest of us who carry the same personal experience. Let me teach you something that you might have chosen not to consider in ethnic studies books — you are full of patriarchy and hella full of shit. How dare you write a blog where you seek to reconcile your differences with women in Tucson and then slap them in the face with your sexist and hetero-normative words?

Then you proceed to make an ass out of yourself and declare that your partner is “embodying the greatness of a woman.” Why — because she is pregnant and has your “DNA” inside of her? Would she be even greater if she were cooking barefoot for you in the kitchen? Oh, this stung a little; well it hurt for me to read your post today. Mujeres should be honored every single day, not only when they are carrying your child. Are you so blind that you fail to recognize how hetero-normative your blog was today? You should know better than to ever make these types of comments. Have you forgotten about a woman’s moon cycle? You know, the period in time where they carry the most energy and are the strongest? This occurs every month, not only when DA’s “DNA is implanted inside of her.”

You mention the moon — by which I am sure you must have meant Coyolxauhqui. How dare you even mention the moon and the female energies and powers without understanding your own people’s history.  Coyolxauhqui was killed by a man, her limbs destroyed because she was seen as too strong and powerful. I find it insulting that you reference the moon when you continuously cut off the spiritual limbs of the women in the struggle every day with your machismo, words, and failure to gain consciousness as a man of color. You attack all of the modern Coyolxauhqui’s who are the womyn warriors in my community. Your attacks on them are direct attacks on me. You have insulted my sisters and me enough, and now it is time to fight back.

This is a new time in the history of Xican@ struggle where women do not hold their tongue nor step back behind men, waiting for their order. We love the movement too much to allow for your love of domination and sexism to destroy the minds, bodies, and souls of women who have done more in their young lives than you ever will in your life time by sitting back and being an armchair revolutionary. Your time is up, DA, you are at the point in your life when you must decide if you will change or if you will continue being the person you are today. One road leads to destruction, while the other leads to reconciling the damages made and moving forward in the struggle as equals. You can’t be a feminist or an equalist and choose to respect one pool of women while disrespecting the other. I share the same struggle that your partner had, and that same struggle also belongs to my sisters in Tucson. I think you might have forgotten about the philosophy of In Lack Ech —that attacks that you are staging against my sisters are a direct assault to me —moreover, the only one you’re hurting in the end is yourself and the thoughts of the child your are about to bring to this earth. You must change your ways and think about the 7 generations after you. Do you want your future daughter in the struggle to experience violence, subjugation, and abuse like we did? You must change now if your answer is no. As a Xicana who writes as a method of personal healing, I ask for you never to put down women of color and their words. As a Xicana who is on the frontlines of a movement, I have been a victim of verbal abuse and assault and have used Malintzine as a space of healing. Your campaign to shut down this blog is a direct effort to continue to keep us silent victims. The only ones who profit from our silence are you, the Chicano Machista males. You will no longer be free to bash women without a rebuttal from one of us. I thank you for making me angry enough to write my first post on this blog.  On a final note, you are full of contradictions and macho bullshit. Try to come at me DA Morales; I would love to see you try.

Le Leyanda Mestiza

Dreams of Anzaldua staring at me,
Channeling my destruction,
de que?
The interrogation of assumption
Validating a world for most complacent
The realities are tangible and often serene
Mis suenos
Mi cuerpo
A justification that is omniscient
You, I, reach an utopia
an epitome for gender deconstruction
A mestiza anatomy
esto es todo lo quiero
dream and I dream
an insurgence to intersections I will venture but never leave
los mayas
los aztecas y los mexica
todos los grita
“Fuck you i won’t do what u tell me”
por que?
ya basta
ya tu sabes
el mente machismo es el mente chiquito,
mi corazón, mi alma, mi cuerpo grito
know your enemy
i see visions
Y estas mujeres son la razón de mi sonrisa
I WILL take a path through my darkness
channeling your spirit
awakening to the enlightenment of truth
i bow to the knowledge of your couth
la leyenda de mestiza vive en mí

MAS isn’t dead.

It is alarming to me that machismo propaganda is informing a large majority of the Mexican American studies (MAS) community nationally and internationally. It is even more alarming to me that the focus of this propaganda is no longer the students, but the men in charge. It is becoming a cult-like obsession, a broken record.

“Fire Pedicone.


Grijalva is now the enemy.




What about mujeres? What about youth? What about us?

It wasn’t too long ago that this propaganda was somewhat beneficial to some. It articulated the teachers struggle. It documented the racism at Tucson Unified School District. The man behind the camera asked all the right questions. But now… now for some reason his ego has led him to assume he has the mind, the power, and the influence to call the political shots. Apparently our education has become so politicized we don’t talk about the very essence of what MAS is: education.

When and why did the community stop discussing having our own classrooms independent from TUSD and institutions? When did the community decide that MAS is dead and will not return until certain political moves are made? When did politics begin to matter more than the students, alumni, and teachers?

I want some answers!

The goal of MAS is to learn who you are, what you want to be, and how you’ve been shaped by the histories around you, histories of your own and histories of others. The goal of MAS was to create a broader space where students of any color could enjoy the contributions of oppressed communities without criticism, MAS has always been used to identify injustice, but never was a space to hate on the hater. MAS is about creating love, forgiveness, and a realm of acceptance.

The goal of MAS has been lost among the politics and the men who so profoundly believe that have the wisdom to guide its direction. It is obvious that the community “leaders” have lost control of what it has founded, and instead is being spoken for instead of reporting on. There is a blanketing tone that is used, as if all the opinions being shared are a representative of how the community feels.

I am part of the community and I don’t feel this way.

I am an alumnus of MAS. I am a student. I am a Xikana.

I want to stop talking about Pedicone and talk about historical mujeres who’ve contributed to a living MAS.

I want our humanity to matter more than politics.

Most of all, I want it to be heard around the world that MAS isn’t in a grave just because a few men aren’t in charge. Classrooms aren’t supposed to be a platform for power, and I am sure I am not the only one feeling like that’s what MAS has become.

What I want is no longer being documented.

“____ ____ needs to be reinstated.

TUSD is racist.

The new board members are puppets.

Deconcini Law Firm is controlling the district.

MAS is dead.”

These narratives are not humble. They are loud. They are inciting feelings of defeat. Most of all, they are attitudes being distorted as the truth. When national news media is looking at Tucson, I don’t want the country to think that the fight for educational equity has been lost in a power struggle because a blog got publicity going in the wrong direction. I want them to know that we have not given up hope. That the women are demanding their place in this movement be recognized. That the students are building for the next generations. That our struggle is a continuous battle. That political machines have not defeated us.

I am hurt by the position of one. I am angered that my voice is being lost.  I refuse to allow one person, one male, to talk for me. I can obviously talk for myself.

We will no longer stand in the margin of a margin.