Tagged submission

I Swore My Heart Away When I Was 14

I Swore My Heart Away When I Was 14. I remember lying in bed rogandole a la virgencita to please keep my dad safe from harm hoping for a call I knew I wasn’t gonna get. Praying I wouldn’t get a phone call that he’s been found dead by some dumpster. I remember a night in particular when I got tired of praying for him So I prayed for me. Le pedi que me isiera no quererlo mas Que lo sacara de mi corazon I cried big heavy tears that soaked my pillow and mixed with bugers and saliva. I…

Keep Ya Head Up

When the fears start to reveal themselves, but your no longer afraid you’re just so sad it took you this long to understand. Then the tears run down your face because of all the pain you put yourself through, and you wonder how you managed to pretend you were so strong when clearly you were wrong. It’s like a self-inflicted wound that gives you ecstasy, but drains and brings along so much pain after the fact. But no one is there to kiss your scars, and until you find a way to love yourself in the aftermath of this craziness…

Quiet All Summer

This is what it’s like to be lost in between. To feel the words of the songs you heard in your childhood resonate inside your heart. To feel the lyrics rise up, and yet not have the words to let them out. To keep Borderlands/La Frontera on the bookshelf of your mind for two years, only to find out that Gloria Anzaldúa is dead. To mourn her passing, so deeply, so late, anyway. To not be able to participate in the conversation between your elders, and yet rest your head and soak it in, enjoying it, anyway. It’s the silence…

I’m sorry, I did not mean to offend you…

I’m sorry, I did not mean to offend you. Only trying to help you. Don’t you see who you went to? This person who has no more fate that to save you Always. That’s how it’s been I will save you, him, them I figure I can change you. I just wanna save you. And though I’ve told myself countless times that that is not my job That I can’t be your mother and You my child who I nurture away all the wounds from, Who I defend from the unfairness of the world. That is not my job. It…

“Why are you so angry?”

How about — why do you try to hold my anger above me, as if it strips me of any credibility? why do you have to dangle my unhappiness in front of me? I’ve become the most ultimately unamerican I can be — I’m an unhappy brown girl caught in a white man’s world. I’m pretty sure if you grew up being stared at or called a sandn***er you wouldn’t be too thrilled either. If you had to wonder whether or not your masjid was going to be shot up or if your mother was going to get cussed out at…

Love Letter

I’m mostly mad at love right now cause it hurt my friend. Love made my friend hurt my friend. And it hurt me too, but that was a different story. Love hurt me for the best. Love made me choose. It made me choose between loving someone else and loving myself. I chose myself. I made the right choice. Thanks love. So I guess love saved me. I guess I shouldn’t be so mad at love. I guess I should be thankful. I am grateful love, but I am not indebted to you. I don’t owe you. I don’t owe…

Hace mucho tiempo te quise

Hace mucho tiempo te quise. Fuiste la mujer de mi vida. El amor más grande de todos mis pinches 27 años. Tú me decías que era muy joven Y yo quería crecer y ser la mujer perfecta para ti. Quería que me gustaran las cosas que te gustaban. Quería alcanzarte y gustarte. Yo sé que te gustaba. Me decías que me querías. Sé que lo sentías… Que lo vivías. Te gustaba besarme. Me gustaba mirarte. A veces nos gustaban las mismas cosas. Pero nunca fue suficiente. Tú querías otra cosa. Otra vida. Tal vez otro cuerpo y no el mío.…

Men Threaten

Men like to threaten, to loom over us to show they’re bigger stronger I’ll beat you to a pulp, little girl. They use their loud voices push tobacco-scented onion-flavored beer-laden breath in your face and I’ll show you who’s boss. Who da fuck you think you are, bitch? worst thing you can call a man “a girl” “womanly” “feminine” “C’mon, ladies” — sneering football coach/drill sergeant — the biggest insult   Men say threatening things on your blog and send revolting pictures horrible pictures of other women beaten cut bloody headless bruised and battered This could be you, watch out,…